Coping with Silence

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I’m an independent artist living and working in North East England. I also manage a creative social enterprise I set up in 2014, which supports other artists by providing space for them to sell their work.  I used to offer creative workshops and they helped members of the community maintain their own well-being by exploring their own creativity. 

Unfortunately, I had to stop running the workshops when I lost my speech in 2018, after being attacked one evening as I was leaving work. I already had problems with severe post-traumatic stress and depression but had never had issues with my speech.  

I have struggled with the loss of speech as it brought many frustrations both at work and socially. Most strangers assume because I can't speak, I must be deaf so they shout at me, which triggers my PTSD.  Others are just unkind and ridicule or abuse me verbally because if I can't speak then I must be stupid. They don't see me; they just see my disability. 

I did have some speech therapy but it was ineffective in returning my speech. I can no longer use a telephone and I have had to purchase communication aids, which means I have to type every word I wish to speak. This has led to me now having quite serious repetitive strain issues in my hands and lower arms, which now also require medication and further aids. I avoid texting as it involves using  a touch screen, which can cause me significant pain  due to the over use of my hands. 

The way I used to work as an artist changed dramatically, as teaching became too challenging and time-consuming. Losing my speech forced me to give up an aspect of my work I loved: sharing knowledge and enabling others to access their innate creativity.  

Things were difficult before COVID-19 but social distancing has become a barrier to communication. At two metres my hand-held device is useless and so since March I have been unable to communicate anywhere apart from at work.  I work alone, so can only communicate with customers when they visit. I can't speak to my neighbours; I can't meet friends. I feel imprisoned in silence by my condition.

I have asked for help twice from the NHS but both referrals have been refused, with the latest one in August stating I must wait another year before reapplying. I don't feel I can cope with another year of silence and frustration as I have already lived through two years of enforced isolation. My mental health is deteriorating and it's becoming more difficult to recover from low points and maintain myself

I have found a private therapist who is supportive and helpful but I am struggling to fund this myself due to the impact of COVID-19 and my disability on my business. If I can raise the funds required for a year of therapy it would remove a pressure from me and help me to be less concerned about my future. I appreciate any help you can give to help me reach that goal.

Donations

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  • Charles Marshall 
    • £100 
    • 3 months ago
  • Louise Charlton  
    • £10 
    • 4 months ago
  • Julie Meredith  
    • £10 
    • 5 months ago
  • Heather Harker 
    • £30 
    • 5 months ago
  • Sandra Bell 
    • £10 
    • 5 months ago
See all

Organiser

Gail Curry 
Organiser
Wallsend, North East England, United Kingdom
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